立/行

In a weard mood again as the time I am going back to China is getting closer. A terrible headache had been going on for a while as well. Guess it is just that so many things are going on with my life recently.

Nearly fell out with some friends in the last few days. As it didn't just happen once or only with one person, I'm starting to examine myself and see into the problems of my own. I've been holding the idea that no matter what relationship needs investigation but hardly I've done so. Sometimes, to keep a relationship from going well, we need to give up something or hold back some of our personalities. And all these are necessary only in one condition, that we preciouse the people that are involved in it and don't want to loss them. Things can fall out easily. I don't want to be like the child I used to be, drive friends away just because they say things that I am disapprove of and don't care if we are going to get back or not. Lukily, all the friends I care went back with me and we still stay in good relationship. But still, I don't know what I've missed. Friends from childhood does not disturb me that much because we were all too young to get know each other in depth. If some thing like that happen nowadays, it would be much harder to let go. So I am doing what I told, listening to advices and think about them, not that I'm going to accept them all, but at least I will bare them in mind.

Really excited about going back to China, it's gonna be almost two years since I last saw my parents and friends. Don't know if it is because I've been in England for too long or that I get too excited as the day back is getting closer, it keeps apearing in my mind the flashbacks of the memories in high school and Beiwai. No offence to all the people I miss, the food is one of the things I miss the most about back home. Good things stay good, but a lot of things are bothering me as well at the moment, one of which that has been bothering me the most is the revision for the exams. Not doing well to be honest. So many things need to be done and so less time. Regret that I didn't work hard enough during the term times. But another thing that I can't help but worrying is the issues relating to the year in France. The secretary keeps not relpying to my emails, guess she doesn't know how desperate I am. As time getting tighter, I really worry that I won't be able to get my visa sorted before I go back to China, and that would cause me more problems when I go back! I think I need to push harder, not only on myself but on other people as well.

All in all, I chose all these, decisions that have been made can not be changed now. I need little presure from life to keep myself occupied and motivated. I have faith in life. After all these, things will turn out sooo good that I'm not going to believe it. And at that time, it's another begining that I start torching myself.